Lest we forget

World War I, World War II and the Korean conflict represent generations of sons, fathers, uncles and grandfathers that answered the call of their Country when asked to make the ultimate sacrifice.  Growing up in Canada we were taught the significance of being involved in these wars and the consequences should we have failed.  Though generations have passed since these wars have been fought the impact of their actions are still felt. By remembering them on the 11th of November we are united in supporting the individuals who gave their lives for our Country and to those that continue to this day.
They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
and in the morning
We will remember them.

Laurence Binyon

With great power comes great responsibility

In doing my fair share of time in the BDSM social networking sites I have come to realize that there are many out there simply trying to set up kinky one night stands.  I have also come to recognize the extremes to which an individual will lie to get what they want and at the very least misrepresent themselves as something they never were or ever could be.  I am one of those few Dominants out there that will care to take the time to learn what it is that makes an individual tick.  I do not say this in any way as to compliment myself as I do consider myself to be somewhat humble.  I was brought up to be polite (whenever possible), open doors and always wait my turn.  These attributes have served me well in allowing me an immense amount of patience in times when I could just as easily take whatever it is I want.  I do care for my little one enough to be cognizant of her state of mind as we all have a life outside of this one we live together however this does not suggest that upon assessing said condition she would be automatically granted a pass.  Does this make an uncaring Master?  I would suggest that most submissives or slaves would understand that there are times and places for everything but as a slave your time and place is and always will be with your Master.  This is one of the defining differences that separates a sub from a slave and I would not be going out on a limb to say that it is this level of submission that draws those who decide to take that final step in their submission.

I have come to find that there are many different reasons why an individual would want to submit.  There are valid life experiences that would bring a person to either be drawn to sexual submission or adversely detracted from it.  Regardless of the reasons that brought them here the fact of the matter is that it is incumbent on the Dominant to care for the well-being of any submissive or slave in their control.  I acknowledge that there are those out there that have a strong attraction to sadists and for those who come from a background of abuse I fear for them the most if they are to find individuals who call themselves “dominants” in order to act out their abusive traits.  Indeed it is sad but alas these mental midgets live amongst us and continue to give us the black eye that society would hang its hat on to suggest that what we do is wrong.  Thankfully I have long since given up caring what society has deemed right or wrong for me.

Through a deeper understanding of a submissive or slave one can come to realize that which turns them on as well as those activities that they are not so fond of.  I bring this up only because I know my little one has a deep affection for spankings.  I do not think that any form of spanking would be protested but it is the act of putting her over my knee that can elicit orgasm all on its own.  I may also suggest that upon simply reading this, it can be assumed that she may be slightly wetter than before she began.  Knowing that her affinity to spanking is present it goes to reason that this is not an effective punishment.  I have a mental file created of punishments and severity of said punishment as well as concerns that we have discussed that would not only push her outside of her comfort zone but may actually have a deep psychological effect on her.  I know she trusts me implicitly and with this trust I would never put her in a situation where she would be…..I was going to say uncomfortable but that just does not apply so let’s go with irrevocably harmed, that leaves me with plenty of working room.  So if spanking her would be a treat rather than a punishment what if I used an implement such as a cane or crop? She has her reservations but that simply is not enough for me to not carry through with it and the thought of marking her (bruising or welts) is not outside of the parameters of an accepted result in my eyes.  As for effective punishments the list is vast and it is amazing to me that with little effort one can elicit a lasting result utilizing a pen, rice, penny or blindfold.

In the end little one is my slave and I will use her as I see fit.  When she willingly submitted to me as my slave she took upon herself the responsibility to serve me and in doing so she is allowed no real limits and no is never a valid answer.  She is comforted in the knowledge that I would not place her in harms way and I would not act out anything that could harm her psychologically.  Outside of that anything is free game and it is with a great deal of creativity on my part that she will remain on her toes (which she does not care for by the way).  It is after all the act of serving me that brings her pleasure and the many ways in which I can pleasure her (at whatever pace I choose) is my reward.  It is a symbiotic relationship we share and only those who truly understand it can appreciate it in its simplistic complexity.

Sir

A milestone has passed

It was 2 years ago yesterday that my little one and myself began our journey together.  Although the time has been filled with its share of hardships not uncommon to any relationship, the lessons and memories along the way have been enriching as well.  The toll of a long distance relationship is hard at times but I know that we will continue   together as only we can.  There is no doubt in my mind that there was a reason we found each other and the reasons are most blatant. Some may suggest it was chance but fate played a larger role in all of this and my life has been richer for it.  Happy anniversary little one.

In a dimly lit room she awaits his arrival, outside the wind and cold are bitter as Alaska has made winter’s presence known. Amongst the distractions that surround her now, nothing seems to matter but the understanding they share. Her face lights up when she sees him and all seems right in the world as she is coming to terms with the who and the why, a symbiotic understanding shared that transcends words between them.  She will learn more about herself in their first months together then she ever thought possible.  Why she craves this and learning to communicate with the little one within will be the foundation upon which all else will be built.

Her innocence is intoxicating to me.  I delve deep within myself to find the patience to allow her to learn at the pace required to fully understand the little one within.  It would have been easy to simply take her, claim her as a toy but within me resides the knowledge that she is so much more.   Nurturing this relationship would prove to be the course best taken and as she begins to realize that this is who she is and not merely a passing fantasy the hunger for knowledge grows within her.  We would start out slowly and from the beginning learning what it is she is wanting from all of this and why she thinks she needs it.  This understanding would provide her the transformation into the woman she has always been.    4300 miles would prove insignificant.

It is like it was yesterday in time yet we have come so far together.

Sir

Thoughts On Masturbation

I was reading a blog post about masturbation and women. It was posted by Discerning Dom and you can get there from our blogroll on the left or by clicking here: Masturbation. He was stating that he thought submissive women masturbated more than other women. His post went on to talk about orgasm control in light of this fact.

I couldn’t really say whether or not submissives masturbate more or less because I don’t walk around taking a poll, however, I do find it an interesting concept. I didn’t discover Bdsm until I was 34 years old, though the submissiveness was there my whole life. What I do know, though, is that I was always VERY much a sexual being. I used to think there was something wrong with me in fact. I masturbated quite a lot growing up and as a young adult. It gave me so much mental stress, quite honestly. As a preacher’s daughter I was taught that masturbation was a sin, so my brain wrestled with the guilt of doing the act and the drive I had towards doing it. I never understood why God would give me such an unbelievably high sex drive and then make it a sin to release in such a way. Most of the time I would fight off masturbating until I could no longer stand it, then as soon as I exploded in orgasmic release I would burst into tears and beg God for forgiveness.

I have long since past the God/guilt phase of it all, but I have not ever gotten over my high sex drive. In the beginning of my introduction to Bdsm, I didn’t understand the concept of orgasm control. The fact that these things were to be mandated by another human being didn’t quite register in my brain. Of course, what was confusing to me was that although my brain didn’t initially understand the concept, my body reacted by being completely aroused. The more I was told no orgasms, the more turned on I was and the more I wanted to cum.

I don’t struggle with orgasm control now on a general basis. I only struggle with one aspect of it. When Master says “No orgasms” I steer clear of anything that would make me get near it. That just makes sense to me. I’ve learned, however, that isn’t  necessarily what he is looking for. He WANTS me near it. He wants me to get right to that edge and stay there but not go over. I admit this has caused me great frustration. I don’t understand why I’d want to masturbate if I can’t get to the goal. Now if he specifically says, “Masturbate until your almost there then stop”, then of course I will. But if just told “Don’t cum until otherwise told”, well then, I will avoid any and all turn ons….makes sense to me.

Maybe I won’t ever get this one concept fully, I don’t know. At any rate I am glad I have a high sex drive and no longer feel guilt over that fact.

~His little one

Who Needs Sleep When You Can Have Cookies

It is an absolutely gorgeous day today, though it didn’t start out that way. My day began at 4am after only 3 1/2 hours of sleep, which has just about been the norm for the week. I awoke to wind and rain with predictions of it staying that way throughout the day. At the time, I didn’t have high hopes for my day or my attitude.

 

I am often amazed when a day turns around in some way from the way you thought it was going to be. Saying this, I realize, sounds as though something spectacular has happened to me, but really nothing has. It’s just that at some point the clouds cleared and the sun came out, and though I am still exhausted and fighting a headache I can’t deny the beauty of the day. I talked to Master briefly on the phone a short time ago and just hearing his voice puts me in a good place, regardless of how tired I may be.

 

I have also gotten the Christmas bug early. I know it’s ridiculous, but it happens around Halloween every year. So here I am with Christmas music playing throughout the house, singing “Baby it’s cold outside” while ice skating in my socks and baking cookies in my kitchen. Well, technically I have finished skating and am sitting with my cup of coffee waiting for the cookies to bake. I’m fairly certain my wiener dogs think I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. I could just need a few days of consecutive sleep at this point. Now is when I really wish Master was here to take advantage of this mood I’m in. I would love to strip down, put on my bad girl heels and apron and bake that way for him…..not that much baking would get done though.

 

Ahh well, there goes the buzzer. Cookies anyone? 

 

~His little one

In times when I have nothing pressing on my schedule I wonder why it is that I cannot simply rest.  I will inherently find a new project to begin or at the very least utilize that time to begin the process of planning for the next big project that consumes my mind.  It was in this vein of thought that I came to realize that I had tossed far too many balls in the air and it would appear that I allowed one to fall.  I must find a way to time manage better as it has never been a strong suit of mine.  I am always confident that I could just work a little harder to make up for time constraints but as you can imagine this is not always the most fail safe of plans.

While I was out looking for materials to complete yet another project in the works (the irony is not lost on me), I ran across this garden stone.  For those who were within earshot  of me when I discovered this little trinket must have wondered why it struck me as being so hilarious. My first thoughts were of my little one and her hyper attention to details and everything in it’s place-ness.  I am not saying this in a negative light rather it is one of  many endearing qualities she possesses that I have come to appreciate and understand how they make her who she is.   It was when I introspectively re read it that I would come to realize that in my attempt to get too much done at once I made her feel neglected and it is a feeling I don’t care to experience again any time soon.

Just as my little one will always have her pantry lined out in such a way that any grocer would be jealous of the organization and thought that went into its placement and similarly how she must work in even numbers to feel comfortable regardless of the task at hand, I too have realized in myself an idiosyncrasy that I never acknowledged before.  In idle times I find calm in simply doing.  I dont know how much control I have over such an innate behavior but I endeavor to try to never repeat the occurrence of this weekend.

That rock is still pretty funny though.

Sir

Something To Brighten Your Day

This has completely made me smile tonight, so I thought I’d share it. The song is “Take On Me” by  A-Ha. Check out the Light Bright…..love it!  :)

~His little one

There’s A First For Everything

Last night I did something that I’ve never done before….I went to a hockey game. I know that may not sound like a very big deal, but I can assure you it was. Outside of kids football or little league, etc. I have never in my thirty-six years been to a live sporting event of any kind. I am an artsy kind of girl. I sing on a stage. I go to the Opera or to musicals. What I do not and have never done is go to sporting events.   I do not cup my hands around my mouth and holler (yes I’m from the south and I said holler) at the refs about a bad call made. I don’t wear baseball caps and jerseys, and the very thought of putting a foam finger on my hand like I’ve seen them do on TV sends chills up my spine. I am not at all putting these things down for those that love them,  I am just giving you a little bit of insight into who I am.

The reason I found myself at this hockey game, however, is quite special to me. You see, Master plays hockey on a team where he lives. I have yet to see him play, but hope desperately to one day soon. I have tried in the past to watch hockey on TV, but without knowing even the first thing it is rather difficult. He has done a fine job at exhibiting patience in explaining the basics to me. I really do have a patient Master, I don’t just say that to sound nice. When I say I had no knowledge of hockey in the beginning, I mean anything other than get the puck into the opposite goal and that’s it…..and I learned that from playing air hockey at summer camp with the boys.

So, I found myself with money in my pocket to buy this fabulous blazer I’d been waiting to go on sale, and now it had. Something happened, though, while printing out my email coupon for said jacket….a commercial came on TV advertising the big hockey game over the weekend. I find it amazing that without pause I said, “Screw the jacket I want to go to that hockey game”. I said this out loud, mind you, and as quickly as I did I turned to see if it had been someone else. It was me alright, and that is how I found myself there last night.

I am a dramatic girl. I can’t help it, it is who I am and it is why I can get up on stage and do what I do. It is also a bit embarrassing at times when I want desperately to blend in, but I know without a doubt that I am sticking out like a sore thumb. I truly felt as though I’d entered an entirely different world last night. Before I’d even gotten to the arena area, I had to walk through the valley of stadium foods. I say valley because there can be no lower form of edible consumption in my way of thinking. Honestly, the smells alone made me want to vomit. Nachos, hotdogs, popcorn, fries, pizza, funnel cakes and beer EVERYWHERE…..as far as the eye could see there was beer and disgusting food.  I got in there and found my seat a couple rows behind the penalty box. Apparently, that is a very popular area because there wasn’t an empty seat anywhere. Lucky me, I was just behind an entire row of already drunk yet continuing to drink twenty somethings.

I immediately begin to text Master and send pictures. When a fight broke out, I would cover my eyes but was amazed that everyone else was on their feet rooting them on. It seemed barbaric. All I could think about was that my Master plays this game….oh my god, my Master plays this incredibly brutal game! I became horrified and this knot formed in my stomach. For two whole hours I watched as they slammed each other into walls and rammed their bodies full force into  other players. I was trying to follow and learn but it was so hard.

I wear hearing aids in both ears, and maybe I shouldn’t have worn them last night. I was in sensory overload. I was trying to follow and determine patterns, as I always do. The fans all had bells, so I was trying to figure out what had happened to prompt the bell ringing. Then there would be music playing overhead, but only for a split second when they did or were about to do something significant. I would try to figure out by the music what they’d just done right or wrong. I’d listen to the drunk guys yelling at refs to determine good or bad calls……sensory overload to it’s absolute maximum.

And then it all at once hit me full force, the overwhelming need to burst into tears. I wanted him. I wanted him to be there explaining it all to me. I wanted him to be there because it was my very first game. I wanted him to be there because I was overwhelmed and needed to be focused and centered. I wanted to put my hand in his and feel his control, when absolutely everything in the environment around me was completely out of control. It was an odd feeling that I was having and one I didn’t expect when I walked in there. I felt very close to him, knowing this was his thing and I was attempting to share in it, and yet feeling so far away and alone and scared at that very moment. I’ve never wanted to be deaf, but I wanted to take my hearing aids out. I wanted the buzzers and music and yelling at the refs and vendors yelling about beer and cotton candy, and bells ringing behind me and the big voice guy overhead talking about a play that I couldn’t understand…..all of it, I wanted it all to go away and I only wanted to hear his voice saying “Little one, it’s okay. Just focus on me”.

Though it might not sound like it from this entry, I was glad that I went to the game even if I didn’t fully understand it. I stepped way outside my box, but at the end of the day am glad I did.

~His little one

Warming Up My Voice

This post may not make much sense in relation to other posts on here. Truly this is more of a journal today. I’m not sure exactly why I can’t write like I once did, but it obviously bothers Master that I don’t. It’s not the first time he’s brought this topic up before, so I know that it’s on his mind. I know that he reads other Bdsm related blogs and, to be quite honest, I feel like I have disgraced him in this particular area. I’m ashamed that I can’t or haven’t done a better job at this for him.

I had a vanilla blog once, and I wrote all the time about lots of things. I loved writing and I didn’t care who read it or what they thought of me. It was cathartic. Now, with this blog, I can’t seem to find the time or I worry that I’ll sound incredibly stupid. I lost my voice somewhere along the way. Is it a difference in the topic that causes me pause? Maybe, but I don’t know for sure.

I am not a stupid girl, yet I know that I am not an intellectual either. I do not hold any degrees in philosophy, theology, science, psychology and the like. If forced into a conversation about any of those topics or others, I would barely tread water. I have opinions, strong ones, but could not go head to head against highly intelligent people. Master is one of those highly intelligent people and it is one of the things that makes him so attractive. In fact, I seem to always surround myself with these types of people. When I’m writing, I am so often afraid that everyone reading it is going to see just exactly how simple-minded I truly am in the end. More often than not, that one thought is enough of a deterrent for me to not write.

I am, in fact, rather certain that Master isn’t going to like reading this. He doesn’t care for self-deprecating comments from me, and really that isn’t my goal here. I am trying to understand and actually voice my hesitations with this blog, be they warranted or just in my mind. Master brought me a long way in the self-esteem department over the last two years, but most of that was physical.

I have read other submissive’s blogs and wondered why I couldn’t be that “together”, be it in their writing or intellect. No Master wants a dumb slave. Master’s need more than their cock stimulated. I want to be well-rounded. I don’t want Master to be ashamed of this blog or of my inability to put together a cohesive sentence.

I will try to find my voice again because I know it’s important to him that I do…..and I suppose it’s important to me as well.

~His little one

“I Own You”

I don’t know what it is about him saying such a seemingly simple phrase that makes me a complete puddle of mush. I only had about an hour with him today, but the moment he said “I own you” I came unglued. It wasn’t even a slow simmer either, it was a complete eruption of emotion and frenzy all at once. He continued on talking, telling me I was his possession to do whatever he wanted. Before I knew it, I found myself writhing around on the floor begging him to play with me and let me cum.

There really is something about those words, always has been right from the very beginning. Each and every time I hear them, my body reacts fiercely. It is almost primal. I love being owned and hearing it out loud is an aphrodisiac to me. I also need to be possessed in every way conceivable. Master knows exactly what makes me tick, what gets his girl to purr. I was completely insatiable today and it all started with three little words.

~His little one