In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning

I am up far to early on this rainy, blustery Saturday for my liking. I was going to sleep in today, which for me means until around 6:30am. Unfortunately, around 4:30am my little weiner dog decided he needed to pee and that was that. I’ve sat curled up here on the couch with my dogs for quite awhile before turning on the television and having my coffee. I sometimes wish my dogs could talk. They are fabulous company really, and I adore talking dogs. The only time I go out of my way to watch an animated movie is if it has a talking dog in it. But then I think about all the secrets I’ve told them and think it’s probably best they can’t.

I don’t know if it’s the early morning hour or maybe the fogginess of my brain, but the commercials on television are really annoying me today. First, there is the chia pet commercial. I truly am amazed that they still make these. When I was a kid they had, I dunno, maybe two kinds. I just saw them advertise a spongebob chia pet. Really? Who buys these? Then there was a commercial for an Asian buffet restaurant here in town. Their claim to fame is “Over 200 items” on the buffet. My God! How much can a person eat, truly? Do we really NEED that many choices at one meal? It’s been my experience, both in partaking and watching others, that when given THAT much food to pick from the brain and stomach doesn’t know what to do with it all. Most people will keep eating and eating until they are well beyond maximum capacity or until they vomit. In my house, at least for the last nine years, the phrase “all-you-can-eat buffet” has been a curse word and we do not eat at those places.

I was supposed to go to my Momma’s house today and bake cookies with her and my three sisters. Due to the winter storm that is upon us, I will not be going. I thought it was funny when my Daddy called and said, “___, I don’t want you driving all the way over here if the weather turns.” “Okay, Daddy.”    I wonder if he knows I’m 37 now. Later, I talked to Master and told him about the storm, to which he said, “Little one, I don’t want you driving over there….do you hear me?”    It’s a nice feeling, being cared about.

And so, I will be stuck in the house today. I will probably watch some Christmas movies, might bake some cookies, and I’m certain there will be some napping going on.

~His little one

Making A List, Checking It Twice

Master said he wanted to review the fetish checklist with me, which I kind of thought was a little odd at this stage of our relationship. I’d done one way back in the beginning when I first discovered this, but not since then. I knew he knew everything about me so I couldn’t see a reason for it, but what a Master wants a Master gets so we began going down the list. He would read it off and I was to answer yes or no if I’d done it, then “No thank you” if I didn’t want to try it or “Yes, Sir, please” if I did. I learned rather quickly, though, that with some things,  the things that I had a lot of trouble admitting to wanting, a simple “Yes Sir, please” wouldn’t cut it. He was going to pull more from me.

I was beginning to realize his reasons for wanting to do this little exercise now. At times it would go smoothly…

Master: Hair pulling?

Me: Yes and Yes Sir please

Master: Infantilism?

Me: No and No Thank you

And on and on it went. But then he’d pause, sometimes get a slight smirk and say, “little one, sit up straight, hands at the small of your back”, and I’d brace myself. The thing about it is this, he knows me…better than even I know myself. This wasn’t an exercise for his benefit. He already knew all the things I had done, all the things I wanted to do but couldn’t voice them. Today, he was making me voice them.

Master: Have someone dress you

Me: No and….(Long Scared pause) Umm, well, maybe if it was for special occasions or….umm, I dunno, umm…..(scared out of my head and fidgeting)

Master: How are you to respond, little one?

Me: Yes Sir, please

Master: Please what?

Me: (Oh God, he’s gonna make me say it) Yes, Sir, please dress me

Master: Beg me

Me: (Oh my God, Oh my God, no no, I can’t beg for THAT) Please……Master…..I want you to dress me….please, please dress me, Sir. (Dear God, I may throw up)

The thing about it is that Master knows my specific trigger points. He knows that I am a vain little creature, and that I have a deep desire to be nicely done up and put together at all times. The thought of not being in control of that aspect of my life really does terrify me. This is why he made me say it. And I have no doubt that he will push me in this area as well as a few others like it. The list went on and on in much the same manner. He pulled a few things from me that are now deeply rooted at the forefront of my brain. But there was one thing he said to me that I simply cannot forget…

Master: Stop trying to justify why you want to do these things, little one, and simply acknowledge that you want them.

I didn’t even realize in all of my ramblings, my explanations as to why something was in my head that I thought of often or made me squirm, that I was trying to do just that, justify it. There really was no need to do that with him or even with myself. It’s simply a part of what makes me me….and I kinda like me.

~His little one

Through slave colored glasses…..

This has been a significant week of growth for us both.  I have always felt that life lessons are learned more deeply when realized rather than simply being asked to accept things at face value.  A corner was turned by my little one in respects to her submission, understanding and service.  In the time we have been together it has been obvious to her that her submissive tendencies are natural and inherent but it would be later in life that she would come to realize to what extent.  Her training has always been deliberate and specific to her strengths as well as exploring weaknesses and areas for growth, while consistently making strides along the way.

There are many milestones along the way that mark significant strides in our growth together as well as her personal development as my slave.  Her acceptance of my collar will remain closest to my heart as I did not set out on this journey with her with any assumptions for ownership but when it had become obvious that we were meant to walk this path together, make no mistake, I did not hesitate to take her.  Next would have to be the personal strides she has made in the area of self-worth and esteem, upon which she would begin to grow into the woman I know today.  The first time she was allowed to use the title of Master to address me will always be a moment I cherish.  It is not a title to be taken lightly from either direction and I would not have allowed it till she was ready to appreciate the significance of it.  I can still see her face when she was able to say it to me for the first time, understanding the full brunt of the dynamic it represented to her.  The first time she achieved orgasm on my command and to do so by my word alone left her both startled, shocked and more than a little focused.  The latest achievement however would prove to bring all of these into focus as we step back and look at the broader picture.

This week, little one would have an awakening of her submissive self.  Although she has always understood the concept of service and obedience and realized that this calling was deeply rooted within her, there remained times that it required effort on her part to will herself to complete that which was asked of her.  This was not a sign of weakness on her part but she had yet to comprehend the depths to which her submission exists.  This week she is learning more about the submissive she naturally is and not focusing so much on the slave she is “trying” to be.  The significance of this can not be overlooked as she can now emotionally grow and understand the slave she so desperately wants to be.  The why’s and how’s may not always come easy but when you understand and accept that who you are, the markers of growth become that much easier to read.  I believe that my slave has a new understanding of why it is she wants to serve me, why she wants to please me and more importantly what this means to her.

Sir.

Early To Bed

“You need a bedtime, little one.” That’s all he said yesterday as he looked at me intently. I melted, literally. I could feel my body from the top of my head simply melt into the floor I was sitting on. It’s like every single thing inside me comes alive at moments like those. I won’t ever pretend to understand why that is. If I try to analyze it, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why does a grown woman get completely aroused when this man speaks in “that” tone and puts her to bed like a child? He didn’t have to touch me, I didn’t have to touch myself, I wasn’t looking at porn or having any kind of sex related thing whatsoever. He only said that one sentence and I was at the very edge of orgasm.

My new bedtime was added to my rules, and I was so excited about it that I got there a little early last night. I gave up long ago trying to figure out the “why’s” of who I am, and just accept who I am. Though there are moments, like this one yesterday, that I reflect in amazement at what makes me tick.

~His little one

I found this just the other day and it became incredibly appropriate today.

“Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.”

Sir Winston Churchill

Sir.

little one’s Big Day

Today I awoke to this email from Master….

12-09-09

Instructions for little one

You are receiving specific instructions as well as expectations for how you will be conducting yourself today.  There will be no deviation from what is expected of you and you will complete all of the assigned tasks asked of you.

Your privacy is a privilege granted by me on a daily basis, today you will learn what it is like to have none.  You will be pushed both physically and mentally and all assigned tasks are deliberate in nature and intended to exacerbate this situation.

You are expected to complete all tasks to the letter without exception.  You will not be granted any excuse for failure and punishment will be handed out in such case.

All tasks and assignments will be allotted a completion time and I expect that this time frame will be obeyed.  You are accountable for your actions or lack there of throughout this day and any failures will be admitted and addressed individually.  You are expected to stay on task and on time unless I pull you from your tasks.

There will be times that I may not be visible to you but you will conduct yourself as if I was there the whole time.  Your camera will be made available to me first thing in the morning and will not turn off till you are released that afternoon.

You are not permitted privacy today and as such you will take your laptop with you wherever you go.  Any room you are in the camera is expected to be on you, any and all rooms.  If you need to set it back in the room to show where you are then so be it but you will be visible to me at all times the entire day, no exceptions.

Your schedule will list location, dress, and duration as well as specific task instructions.  You will not interpret the direction given to you, you will do as you are told.  It will be made in a format that you should be able to print it off and use it as a check list if it is helpful.

Your behavior, obedience and protocol will not deviate the entire day regardless if I am visible to you or not. My camera may be turned off and muted so as you are unaware when I am watching or when I return.

You may consider yourself on notice for the days events and expectations of you.  Any questions you may have should be asked when we see each other for your dress.  You will be in full protocol the entire day and will address me and respond appropriately.

Master

When I first read it, I immediately got butterflies. I got scared and wet at the same time. Then something strange happened….I began to cry. Not sad tears, but not entirely joyful either. It was like a mixture of happy and nervous tears all rolled into one. I was so full of emotion that my body couldn’t quite contain it all at that precise moment. I have never had all my privacy taken away from me, though in my head I’ve known all along that should he want he could do so at any time. I have many times longed for just that very thing….to know what it feels like to not be allowed something that is so taken for granted.

I looked at the clock to see how much time I had before we met, and my mind began to race. I was thinking of all the things I needed to get done “in private” before he’d see all. Things were slamming into each other in my brain faster than I could process them. I needed to clean, and fast. There wasn’t much time, but he simply couldn’t see my house like this, and since I wasn’t sure which rooms he’d be going into, I had to cover them all. Vacuuming had to be done, kitchen needed to be gone over, bedroom of course and I’m sure I’d end up at some point in the bathroom. I’ve never cleaned my house so fast in all my life. I was exhausted and still had to have the clothes selections lain out on the bed as he’d instructed. Oh, and my hair wasn’t done yet and I needed to go to the bathroom, knowing I have that whole shy bladder thing and don’t want to do it in front of him. Yeah. By the time 9:30am came, I felt as though I’d already run a marathon and my nervous tummy had just kicked in to boot.

He then gave me my days instructions.

Detailed schedule

You will assume that even if you cannot see me (as my camera may not be made available to you) you will be watched.  You will interact with me throughout your tasks and thank your Master upon completion.  You will thank me for any potty privileges you take as well as verbally acknowledging any dress changes you will be going through throughout  the day.  Although these may seem like silly trivial actions to do, you will see as the day progresses the connection to vocalizing your appreciation and the center you will maintain through your submission to me.  You will need a cooking timer or some sort of timing device for your second task. During that time I want the timer pointing away from you so as you are not watching any time remaining for that task. Any movement throughout the house from room to room will be done on your knees and THE CAMERA WILL BE WITH YOU AND ON YOU AT ALL TIMES.

1. Domestic service:  Kitchen.  Dress will be apron, heels and stockings only. You will begin your day by baking your Master 15 chocolate chip cookies.  No more, no less and any additional mix or dough will be discarded upon completion.

2. Tease and denial:  Bedroom.  Dress for this task will be stockings only and time frame will be determined by the pace and attention to detail that you put into this task. You will go to your bedroom and using your bullet you will bring yourself to ALMOST orgasm slowly 4 times without release.  Upon reaching the 4th you will turn off the bullet and perform cleaning service to all of the heels that were selected to be out for the day.  The cleaning will be thorough inside and out using only your tongue.  You will then repeat the steps above for 4 more rounds of orgasm denile without release.

3. Corner Time:  Corner.  Dress will be heels, stockings, bra and panties.  Time of completion will be 30 mins. total. You are to get in your corner with the piano bench and the bullet.  Placing the bench longways you will straddle the bullet and bench with your clit exposed.  Beginning on the second setting you will remain on the bullet for 6 mins. without rest or release.  Upon the completion of the 6 mins. you will turn off the vibrator then turn it back on and set it to the 6th setting.  Your elbows on the bench and feet flat on the floor beside you for 6 mins. Upon completion you will turn off the bullet and face the bench to me.  Inserting one bullet in your ass you will then cross your legs and sit like a proper lady.  Set the bullet to the 7th setting and maintain posture and form for 10 mins. When the timer rings you will be allowed your first release of the day.

4. Preparation for  being pushed:  Bedroom. Dress will be heels and stockings, panties, bra or lingerie if you you have one chosen.  Time of completion to be determined by your Master when he is satiated with this task and its impact. You will set aside the following implements…wooden rods, ruler,wooden spoon, rubber bands, coffee beans, and small zip lock bag of rice.  They will be placed in an organized fashion on the bench at the foot of the bed.  At this point all other rooms can be cleared and you should be prepared to have the duration of your day devoted to this task.  Take any additional time to center for the task at hand.  You will place the laptop on the bench as well and be on your knees near the door to the room.  Hands folded behind your back with back straight and chest out.  You will wait for me to begin.

I have several thoughts as to how my day went. Parts of this day were difficult for me, though not to the point that I failed at anything. I have always had trouble remaining focused when Master isn’t around, when I can’t see or hear him. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. When his camera was off and I wasn’t sure if he was there, I struggled. I still obeyed of course, but it was much harder for me. Baking cookies in 5” heels and under a time limit had me in a bit of a fit. I blew up my butter in the microwave, dropped things on the floor and had to wash them etc, things I never would have done normally. I had to sing to myself so that I could just calm down. My two biggest hurdles today were the inspections and peeing. Master inspected me up close…..VERY close. To say I was uncomfortable would be grossly understating it. I didn’t like it. It took every single bit of submission inside me to make me remain there spread for him in such an uncomfortable place, vulnerable and, quite frankly, humiliated. The same went for the bathroom. I sat on the toilet needing desperately to pee, with him on the little table in front of me watching, waiting. My bladder was going to explode and yet rebelliously refused to do so. It truly wasn’t a battle of wills that was happening. My brain wanted to please him and go pee, yet for some reason my body wasn’t cooperating. We must have sat there for 30 minutes or more. He made me turn and face the wall like a toddler who was toilet training. I was unbelievably humiliated in that moment and tears began to flow down my cheeks. I had a running dialog in my head, begging myself to pee. I did eventually pee and he turned me around and explained why it was important that I break down that wall.

He pushed me today and I’m grateful that he did. I learned a great deal about myself. This has been a very big week for me internally. I am at a place I’ve never been before in my submission. I’m very excited to see where this newfound awakening takes me, and I know as long as he’s holding the leash it will be an incredible journey.

~His little one

A realization

Today was in fact an interesting day as little one has previously elaborated but with it came a moment that would mean more then everything else that happened this day.  A lesson was learned but not in the traditional disciplinarian fashion one might assume given our relationship and lifestyle, no this was a lesson that my little one learned through the experience of the day.

There are going to be days when one person is not exactly having their “A- game” and today would be just that kind of day for her.  It could have been the weather, the stress of Christmas coming up, general sense of blah…..the reason was irrelevant.  I do not say that in a callous, non caring way but as some Dominants may have experienced in their journeys it is not for the submissive or slave to dictate the day.  We Dominants are caring individuals and after assessing the cause of this gloomy disposition it was determined that there was no real reason for the behavior, it just was.

My little one does not intentionally attempt in any way to top from the bottom nor was she trying to direct the day with her behavior but her current state of mind was not proving to be conducive to a beneficial or productive day.  The behavior needed to be stopped, plain and simple so I sent her away for some personal refection and we would meet again later to discuss it further. This is not at all a typical outcome nor have I ever sent her away prior to this day but it was clear to me that “she” needed to find a way out of this situation.

Later in the day when we would readdress the events of the morning little one would have a moment of self actualization.  When she realized that it was her submission to me and her obedience that kept a civil and humble tongue rather then simply blowing up and venting, she would come to realize that her response was inherent not intent.  It was not the fear of correction or retribution for her behavior that kept her in her place.  It was not the fear of disappointing me with an angry outburst it was simply her submission to me.

Lessons can be taught but it is those that we learn on our own through experience that hold the most weight.  Today little one learned a little more about herself and perhaps a sense of accomplishment as well for understanding her submission more deeply then she did.  As a Dominant it is crucial to be able to understand that all lessons are not learned or appreciated if they are done through failure and punishment alone.  Although there are those out there that may disagree with my actions or motive for dealing with this situation in the way that I did, opinions come freely but actions always require forethought. The gravity of the lesson learned today will dwell deep within her more so then any punishment I could have handed out.

Learning continues throughout life and training is unending within our lifestyle.  There is so much more to this then etiquette, procedure or protocol and I hope I never come to realize the day when we no longer learn form each other.  Through self actualization my slave understands a little more about herself then she did yesterday so the day turned out to be quite productive after all.

Sir

Monday, Monday

Today’s been a rough day. I’d like to just blame it on being a Monday and be done with it, but I don’t think that would fly. I’ve been blah all day. Master and I met this morning as usual, and when my mood wouldn’t change he sent me off to find something to occupy my mind (ie, some Christmas shopping). I came back to him hours later the same way I’d left him, unfortunately, though in my view not nearly as obstinate. We had a brief discussion on whether blah was better than obstinate in regards to a slave. In my opinion, blah is a bit higher up on the scale, but he prefers his slave not be either one of those so I lost that argument hands down.

I did turn around about 30 minutes before we had to say goodbye though. Figures. I became a very willing wanton little slave there at the end. Honestly, I’m gonna play the hormone card on this one.

~His little one

Our 100th post

Upon realizing that this would be our 100th post on our blog, I wanted to take the opportunity to thank all of the readers and those who have contributed through their comments over the last year.  Although we have had other blogs over the last couple of years it is this one that has made an impact on us.  We have both grown a great deal over this last year and are thankful for this viable outlet to interact and share with those who either truly understand or those who may just be coming to terms with the true self within.  This blog means a great deal to little one and myself and continues to allow us the opportunity to interact with the like-minded community we share.  In this last year we have made friends who share and understand this journey we are on and although some may be further down this road then we are, the experiences we share hold a common bond that would be hard to find elsewhere.  This blog was originally created for my little one to be able to sound off on anything and everything she saw fit to discuss but the acquaintances and friends formed along the way were an unexpected bonus that will be treasured always.  We look forward to continued open and honest discussions to come while being able to share this beautiful journey we all find ourselves on.

Sir

The Question Of The Day

I’ve been reading some of my favorite blogs this morning, then some of their favorite blogs and so on and so forth, and have come across something in many of the posts that seems to be a common thread. When submissives/slaves are writing about their interactions with Masters, the Masters all seem to ask the very same question……. “And how does that make you feel?”.

I’d never really thought about it being a universal Master/Dom kinda question. It’s like they all took the same college class on Mastering or something. I know my own Master has worked hard at getting me to better verbalize things. I think I’ve probably come a long way in two years, though I’ve got very far to go when it comes to begging.

The whole “How does that make you feel” question isn’t really always as easy to answer as it sounds. Sometimes I don’t know how I feel. Sometimes I’m pissed, but don’t want to say I’m pissed. Sometimes I’m embarrassed that he made me feel like a little girl sitting outside the principal’s office, and I don’t want him to know how wet his reprimand made me. Sometimes I’m pouting inside and REALLY don’t want him to know that.

But other times when he asks that question it’s not so hard. Like when he tells me to take my computer over to the cafe across from where I live and turn on my camera….How does it make me feel? Scared out of my wits that someone will see what I’m doing, scared he will make me do something humiliating, scared someone I know will be there. Completely controlled because I know I’ll do whatever he tells me to, aroused by the sheer power he wields over me and TOTALLY turned on to the point that I’m dripping down my leg. THAT’S how it makes me feel. Just yesterday, I asked him if I could go pee. He knows that I have a shy bladder. I simply cannot pee under pressure. He decided to toy with me as I knelt there in front of him. He asked how I’d feel about getting one of my bowls out of the kitchen and squatting in that to pee. I was mortified at the thought of it, so he gave me an option…..standing in just my heels and teeny skirt and bra on the back patio to pee, letting it run down my leg and anyone could possibly see me, or pee in the bowl. My brain raced, my heart raced and I started to sweat trying to decide which was the lesser of two evils. He toyed with me like this for what felt like an eternity before he finally let me pee normally.

Afterwards, though, came the question. My answer wasn’t difficult. It made me feel vulnerable, controlled and judging by juices flowing down my thigh, very very wet.

But he already knew that. He just likes to make me say it.

~His little one